Living with the Pain of Grief!
During this month there will be services taking place in our churches at which those who have died will be remembered. The loved ones of the deceased arrive in this month in as wide a variety of states as they are in number. While we honour those who have died during the year, we also honour and respect those who are bereaved and may be struggling to live with a whole maelstrom of feelings while trying to live a normal life again.
I spoke with a lady who is grieving as her mother died recently. She described grief as an unexpected shower of hailstones that come out of the blue when most unexpected. Her feelings were of guilt for sometimes feeling normal, sometimes a wrenching sense of loss, sometimes a sense of sheer exhaustion. She often felt the loss as a great feeling of pain.
Everyone's experience of grief is different, sometimes with commonalities between people. It certainly doesn't happen in a step-by-step stage process as it skids on the moving tracks of the feeling world. There are some feelings that we like to have and some which we would like to avoid. However, no feeling is either right or wrong. Feelings just are! Rational, decided thought can be used to hide feelings, dismiss them, or park them without due care, so that they end up hurting us more rather than less!
We sometimes want to fix those who are hurting and to push them out of the way of grief. However, it needs to happen in the way that works for the individual with respect to how they might need to process the loss. Listening is the greatest gift for anyone who needs to talk their way along the journey of grief! Talking is a valuable therapy with silent listening the greatest balm and expression of respect and value for the person concerned.
If anyone reading this needs to talk to someone who will listen objectively and non-judgmentally, there is a Bethany Group in St Mary's Parish which is open to all who are grieving and want some support along the journey. Members of the Bethany Group are available in St. Mary's Parish Centre on the:
2nd Monday of each month at 10.45p.m.
4th Thursday of each month at 8 pm
If you would like to attend a meeting please ring (01)6217041
9.30 am to 2 pm Mon, Tues, Wed and Friday
Cathy Burke
Catechist in the Lucan Partnership of Parishes
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