November: A Month to Remember!

As we enter the darkness of winter, the end of the seasons of warmth, fruition and obvious overground growth for this year, we reflect on what the year has borne for us and on those who are no longer among us in this life. We use artificial lighting and candles to guide our steps in the dark evenings and also as symbolism of the eventual brightness and hope that can emerge from every situation.

It is traditional for us to remember those, of our loved ones, who have died during the month of November. We pray for them and hold them in loving memory as we gather for memorial Masses and services, visit cemeteries and carry out our own memorial rituals.

There is a numbness that exists for many at the time of the funeral with much of the ritual happenings sometimes feeling automatic rather than fully engaging. We can only deal with so much at the time of funerals with little time between death and most funeral celebrations.

The November memorial services provide us with the opportunity to choose/or not to participate in gatherings where so many share the common state of grief and memories. There is a great strength in knowing that we are not on our own in the journey of grief, where the experience of every person is unique.

Experts have named particular stages of grief. While the stages might be a guideline to what can possibly be experienced by a person, the actual experience is often very different for every person with some aspect of the persons experience being at odds with what might seem like what fits into the box of grief! Some people cry a lot; some don't cry a lot or at all! Some feel guilt; some feel anger; some feel empty and alone; some feel relief that the loved one's painful existence is over/then feel guilty that it might seem like they wished they were gone .... A whole myriad of reactions and feelings may happen for some while others may integrate with a greater ease to move on more quickly. There is no timeline for grief!

Those who have gone before us have gifted us with much! We hold them in remembrance this month in whatever manner works best for us. There are memorial services in most parishes during November. Look at the parish notices or websites wherever is significant for you. Those whose loved ones died within the last year are invited to attend local memorial services - however, all are welcome at the same services if there is someone for whom you would like to remember in community prayer.

Cathy Burke
Catechist in the Lucan Partnership of Parishes